so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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