do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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