I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize