Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
