I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Say something about gay babies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
