i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
