thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
