I showed him my bush... on skype.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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