We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you will always have a special place in my vag
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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