I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
