I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
