I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
