I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love you. Go after that dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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