coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
