You made me cry and you don't even care
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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