i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
