I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
