I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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