he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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