she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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