i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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