I think I died a long time ago.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
