Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
