I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You took a bar mat shot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
