All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
