Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
