PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
