just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize