i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
