You really coming over, don't trick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
