Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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