I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
