Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
