i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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