just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
