Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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