I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
