So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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