Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
