I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
