"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need moral support for this bender
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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