Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
