please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We named our party play list daddy issues
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
