Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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