i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
