just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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