I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
