....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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