i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my liver is dry heaving
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize