i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
