ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
