I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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