I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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