I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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