At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
