Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my shit smells like andre
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
