Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize