I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
