Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
