Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
