I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
