so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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