He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
