So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
