I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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