In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
