i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
