there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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