dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
