Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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