its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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