My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I cut my penus on the lid.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
