I hate your face
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
