You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
