I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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