If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
