drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember whose house we're in?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize