i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
