Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's blow job season.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
