Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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