well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
