You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
