I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
