I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
