Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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