This is not my ceiling
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
