question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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