You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
