I'm so fucking centered right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
