i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize