I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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