Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
