First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
