The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
