if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize