what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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