yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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