I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
